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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24906718">Stan the Man Uris is foolishly confused</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdriYay/pseuds/AdriYay'>AdriYay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fool [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Character, Asexual Stanley Uris, Coming Out, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:21:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24906718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdriYay/pseuds/AdriYay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He keeps the whole “I’m queer” thing a secret from everybody. He doesn’t want to lose his friends over something that can remain hidden. They wouldn’t understand Stan at all, because, well, everybody has already been proven to be straight.</p><p>Yep, they’re all straight, Stan is convinced of it. Which is why he can feel the air leave his lungs abruptly at what Mike and Bill are telling them.</p><p>Or: Stan is not straight and he automatically assumes his friends are.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fool [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/931569</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. You’re kidding, right?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This series has some of my best work, I'm really proud of it. Which is why I decided to continue it with even more dedication than the other two works. This was about two months ago. I wrote most of it one night and it has been sitting in my drafts since then. </p><p>I just finished school so I pulled this out and tried to polish it the best I could. I hope y'all enjoy it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They’ve grown a bit now. Being eighteen fits every single one of his friends, maybe himself too. Beverly finally defined her genuine interest in fashion after being told she had a talent for it for years and Ben couldn’t be more hung up on her. Luckily, they’re already together. Anyway, Eddie grew to be as tall as Stan, surprisingly more physically-inclined than anyone in their group, and his hair is now a bit curlier than before. Yet, it cannot be compared to Richie’s mop of hair. </p><p>Richie, well, he’s obviously the tallest of the bunch. Stan had predicted that his “Voices” would get better, and they did! He also refined his sense of humor, even though Stan could still see his inappropriate and stupid jokes slip out anytime it was just them together. Now that he thinks of it, Stan doesn’t really know how to describe Richie’s growth, the only thing that comes to mind is that… Richie got better in every single aspect Stan can come up with. It’s amazing, really. And no, Stan didn’t spend a lot of time at night listing anything and everything that has to do with Richie. </p><p>Stan is just, well, same old. He still has a weird fixation on birds, he has accumulated even more weird habits, his best friend is still Richie, he still has curly hair the same length around his head, he still wears tucked shirts and nice, soft sweaters. He changed to jeans, though, no more shorts. He guesses that’s change enough. </p><p>He has found a strange calm within numbers and dealing with quantities that didn’t feel real. So, he’s going into accounting. Richie had decided it was a pretty good area for him, but Stan still had to endure a lot of teasing because “You aren’t a boring person. Stan, and you chose such a boring profession.” Yeah, even though he thought he should be even a bit offended by such statement, he blushed slightly at hearing how, well, not-boring Richie thinks he is.</p><p>Anyway, yeah, Stan hasn’t changed much. And that’s fine by him, he likes having some sort of stability. Stan is still Stan and that means Stan is still in love with Richie Tozier. </p><p>Stan decided a long time ago to accept his feelings for Richie. He stopped himself from getting his hopes up every time Richie came near him, or looked at him, anything. He learned to act as if he doesn’t want those touches, to force his eyes away so he wouldn’t look too interested. He can now see that those have become habits and that being in love with Richie Tozier still feels wrong. He can see stuff a lot more clearly now, but it feels to him like it doesn’t really change anything.</p><p>His friends have ventured into relationships, most of them brief, and everybody acts as normal as he himself should be. Eddie managed to ask out a sweet girl last year, and even if they didn’t last very long, it made Stan believe Eddie was straight. Same with Bill, who broke things off with Beverly not long after they kissed all those years ago. Ben never explored that romantic side, completely stuck on Bev, but when Beverly finally decided she wanted to be with him, it became obvious how great they were together. Which is great, Stan isn’t even a <em> bit </em> jealous that they get it so easy, a girl and a boy. Yeah, Ben suffered in silence most of their childhood and adolescence, but he still got her. He always had more of a chance with Beverly and Stan will ever have with…</p><p>Richie. Well, Richie’s situation broke Stan’s heart. The curly-haired boy only had two girlfriends and it was years ago. His relationships were brief, a month each. It feels like it had only been to mock Stan. With Richie staying single all the time, Stan could feel small sparks of hope going off here and there. Yet, those relationships had done nothing but confirm what Stan was afraid he knew: Richie is not queer. Not at all, not even a little bit, or in a weird way like Stan. No, Richie isn’t queer and with the confirmation, Stan could only cry at night wishing he could be hugging the boy he loves and be hugged back, instead of having his arms around a stupid pillow. </p><p>Mike had a relationship of almost two years with this girl he met when they started high school. He was clearly in love with her, genuinely and excitedly. Mike had told them all about it, he even brought her to their spots. She was very nice, very kind, a perfect fit for Mike. It was a surprise when they broke up, and it puzzled Stan how Mike didn’t look like he had just gotten out of a 2-year relationship. Yeah, he looked down some times when he saw something that reminded him of her, but most of the time he looked happy, like maybe he felt free? Stan doesn’t get it. </p><p>And Stan? Well, Stan has always been single. He hasn’t even kissed anybody. Yeah, he gets jokes directed at him all the time but he really can’t fathom the idea of kissing someone he doesn’t love. And since he only loves Richie, well, he will just have to stick to being alone. He doesn’t date, and he keeps the whole “I’m queer” thing a secret from everybody. He doesn’t want to lose his friends over something that can remain hidden. They wouldn’t understand Stan at all, because, well, everybody has already been proven to be straight.</p><p>Yep, they’re all straight, Stan is convinced of it. Which is why he can feel the air leave his lungs abruptly at what Mike and Bill are telling them. </p><p>“We don’t… We don’t want to scare you, guys. We love you, but we also love each other, and keeping this a secret from you is killing us,” says Mike. </p><p>Bill follows as if they had this whole speech rehearsed. “We hope you can accept it and be happy for us, but... if you can’t,” he swallows what Stan can only imagine is a knot in his throat, “I’m afraid we’re going to have to leave the group.”</p><p>There’s a huge silence. It’s overwhelming. Stan is hyper-aware of everything that’s happening around him. They’re in Bill’s basement, where they arranged a small spot for them to hang out. They had brought in three sofas, one for three people, and the others for two. There were also a lot of pillows to sit on the floor for whenever they played a game that required it. They had Richie’s select comic books for them to read, a few of Ben’s history books, Beverly’s fashion magazines, some notebooks that Eddie had probably left there the day before, Mike and Stan’s photography of animals, even some of Bill’s drafts of the stories he would often read out loud. </p><p>It’s a great place, Stan loves being there. Yet, at that time, everything feels like it's out of place. Eddie sits cross-legged on the pillow right next to the small table, looking down at his socks as if they had just told him they were planning on murdering him. Beverly and Ben, sitting on the couch opposite him, turn to look at each other with an expression of understanding that made Stan feel dizzy. Mike and Bill are fidgeting a little bit, and Stan can see Mike’s right hand shaking. His left hand is occupied by Bill’s left hand and he's holding on really tight. Bill then decides to rest his head on Mike’s shoulder as an effort to make it easier for -</p><p> </p><p>oh, god, they’re <em> boyfriends </em>. </p><p> </p><p>So Stan looks down into the comic book he was holding. He couldn’t see Richie, who is sitting right next to him. He wouldn't let his own facial expression give away how shocked he felt, because it might be a sign to Richie that he is the same way. This meant he couldn’t catch Richie’s reaction. He imagined Richie would be disgusted, so for a moment, Stan is grateful that he can’t see. </p><p>He feels everything too much, as if the comic book he and Richie were reading had increased its weight by a thousand. He could hear everything too loud, and at the same time, Bill and Mike’s words kept repeating themselves inside his own head. And he could still perceive the deafening silence that surrounds them. </p><p>The silence is cut abruptly by Beverly, who was the only one brave enough to speak up. “So, are you guys gay?”</p><p>Bill immediately raises his head up from Mike’s shoulder, inhales deeply, and states, “Yes. Do any of you have a problem with that?” Mike only stares at Bill’s face like he doesn’t want to look at anybody else. </p><p>“N-no! No, Bill, of course not. I’m fine with it. I’m just a little bit surprised,” Bev says as she chuckles lightly.</p><p>“I’m happy for you both. Bill, Mike, I know it couldn’t have been easy to tell us, but don’t worry about it. We’re cool,” Ben adds, smiling kindly at their friends.</p><p>“Y-yeah, of course! You can’t blame us for being a little bit shocked, you both had girlfriends!” <em> Oh, my god, Eddie said it. </em></p><p>Mike smiles big and bright, even though his hands are still shaking. “Yeah, I can’t ever forget that. We were just confused. I think I did love Emily a little bit, but I was mostly just trying to distract myself from my giant feelings for Bill.” </p><p>As Mike and Bill start talking about each of their past girlfriends, Stan can’t help but notice only Richie and him haven’t said anything. Stan doesn’t feel like he can talk, he doesn’t even know if he’s breathing. He never in a million years imagined something like this could happen. Mike and Bill were straight as a ruler in his mind, and even as he saw them turn and smile fondly to each other, even with their hands gripped together, Stan couldn’t believe they were actually together. </p><p>Ben, Beverly, and Eddie were so accepting and warm with their words. It’s like they don’t have a problem with it. How could they not? Everybody has a problem with queer people, it’s wrong to be gay, it’s not natural, it’s not <em> right </em>. </p><p>Stan hadn’t noticed how hard he was gripping the comic book until something moving beside him brings his attention back. Richie jumps from his spot and begins pacing behind the couch. Stan glances back at his friends, only to find that their conversation was cut abruptly by the movement, and he realizes that Bill and Mike’s expressions have filled with uncertainty again. But they’re not looking at Stan, they’re looking at the curly-haired boy who’s moving too fast for anybody to get a good look at his face. </p><p>Suddenly, Richie stops, glances briefly at Stan, and then looks at the couple. Stan’s heart jumps, but before he can dwell too much on it, Richie fixes his glasses and opens his mouth. </p><p>“You’re kidding, right?”</p><p>Stan’s heart plummets, he looks down as if to see the remains of his heart on the floor. He begins to settle once again on the sofa, in the position he was in before Richie got up. At least this way he can’t see what he thinks is a look of disgust forming on the boy’s face. </p><p>“No, Richie, we aren’t kidding. We wouldn’t joke about this. We’re together, as boyfriends, and if you’re not alright with it you can leave,” Bill sounds angry.</p><p>“Oh, my god. No, guys, it’s not like that. I just can’t believe you guys are gay, I thought you were straight. Oh, god. Are you guys gay, for real?” Stan couldn’t see Richie, didn’t want to, but he saw the couple nod in his direction. “Like, real gays? Ha-have you kissed?” </p><p>“Really, Rich?” Stan hears Eddie ask. </p><p>A sigh from Richie can he heard even closer than before, but Stan is still startled when the sofa bounces as Richie sits back down next to him. This makes him turn to look at Richie, who seems less shocked than before, and more… incredulous? </p><p>And then it’s Ben’s turn to speak, “Just say whatever you need to say, Rich.”</p><p>There’s silence, then a chuckle. Stan sees Richie lean forward to shove his face into his hands. Another chuckle, and he finally lets them see his face again. </p><p>“I’m gay, too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stan just stares. He doesn’t say anything. His throat feels too dry, his vocal cords would break if he tried to talk, and he wants to protest at the weight that has settled on his chest. He opens his mouth, about to do it, when he realizes he can’t hear anything around him. For a moment he worries, what if he’s gone deaf with the pressure? He can see Richie’s flushed face, but with a smile so big and so bright that Stan dedicates a thought to how pretty he is. Suddenly, he sees movement through the corner of his eye and when he looks, Mike and Bill are standing up. Richie stands up too, and he is engulfed in a hug by the two boys. A second later, Eddie gets up from the floor, just as Bev and Ben stand up, and they all join the group hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan can’t hear anything, but he sees their mouths moving as if they’re cheering, all happy and excited. But that isn’t possible, what are they so happy about? Why are they celebrating being gay? Being queer? Shouldn’t they be ashamed, just like Stan is? Shouldn’t they feel wrong? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Stan can even process that Richie just literally said he’s gay and that he might even have a chance he’s not sure he wants, Bill turns to look at him over his shoulder. His smile falls a bit, and worry invades his features for the third time that day. Stan can’t really figure out his own feelings yet, but he’s sure his facial expression doesn’t say “I’m happy for you.” He’s not happy. He’s pretty sure he might be in shock. He doesn’t know how much longer he’s going to handle being around everybody. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stan?” It’s the first thing he hears since Richie’s confession, and it’s coming from the same mouth. Stan’s eyes drift to Richie, and the boy seems full of hope, even as his brows come closer together with slight worry. One second, Stan is reminded of how in love with Richie he is. The next one, Stan feels as if a bucket of cold water has been dumped on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t be here anymore. He just can’t. He needs to get out, he needs some air, he needs to be alone, he needs to process all of this. Stan doesn’t think of how the others might take it. He just stops looking at them, his sight focusing on the door to get out of the basement. Stan doesn’t say anything, he just gets up and rushes to it, nearly tripping over his own feet. Running as fast as he can, he doesn’t stop until his lungs start protesting and he sees that he’s at least a few blocks away from Bill’s place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slows down, trying to catch his breath, and tries to keep his mind blank until he can find someplace to sit. It’s a success because before he knows it, he’s standing near the edge of the quarry. His breath has slowed down and his heart is beating at a normal speed. It’s not until he sits down and remembers why he’s there alone that his chest starts hurting again. His eyes widen, and he looks up at the sky, trying to keep the tears in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing is that he had always been so sure. So convinced of everything. His friends were all straight, attracted to the bodies of the opposite sex, and they fell in love with them. He thought his friends frowned upon people who were queer, even if he never had any proof of that. He was sure that they wouldn’t approve of Stan, that they would leave him alone with only the memory of their disgusted expressions. If Stan had told them he was… gay, he wouldn’t have friends anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, he doesn’t even know if he has friends right now, with the way he left, he might as well have said he’s homophobic and doesn’t approve of their relationship. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he can’t go back now. Everything that just happened overwhelmed him. At least, right now Stan can feel more free, like he can actually breathe and think things through, even if he’s close to crying. Back in Bill’s basement, he couldn’t focus, not with the couple’s confession, or Richie coming out too, and even less with everybody looking at him with worry those last seconds. Not with Richie looking at him </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they all seemed so happy, and joyful. It made Stan’s heart squeeze painfully because he thought it was bad. He thought being gay was bad. But with their reactions, Stan can only question what he had always been convinced of. It doesn’t mean his mind has changed, or that he’s suddenly going to come out and be proud of who he is. Instead, it just means that a door has appeared in his mind, a door to happiness, acceptance, freedom, and maybe even to love. Stan has to work his way to it, but it’s there. </span>
</p><p><span>Maybe he could get to be who he was in front of his friends. Bill and Mike are a couple. Stan thinks he might be happy for them, happy that they managed to find each other and also a group that would accept them. Richie is open to being with other guys. Only guys, apparently, despite his past girlfriends. Stan doesn’t understand, what happened to make him realize he’s gay… or has Richie known all along? Did he try to hide it by dating girls, unlike Stan?</span> <span>Has he ever liked a guy?</span></p><p>
  <span>Putting his head on his hands, suddenly feeling dizzy, Stan asks quietly, “What if Richie has a boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Stan inside his own mind, muting the outside world, he doesn’t hear the sound of footsteps being him. He doesn’t hear somebody sitting beside him. It’s only when the sobs come and Stan rubs his closed eyes to get rid of the tears, that he feels a hand land on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He jumps and goes to scramble away before realizing it’s Richie. His friend is comforting him. The friend who just came out to him, the friend he just ran out on, the friend Stan has loved since they were kids. That same friend is looking at him like he’s worried about Stan, and not like he’s angry. It makes Stan feel selfish, it makes Stan care even more, and it makes Stan feel wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Life’s a bitch, huh?” Is what Richie chooses to start with. Stan can’t help but chuckle even through his tears. “When… uh, did you just realize?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan looks down and sniffs. He feels confused because this conversation wasn’t supposed to go this way. Stan doesn’t know how to reply at all because he doesn’t know what Richie’s asking. His eyes land on Richie again, “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, did we make you realize you’re gay, too? That’s why you ran away, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would know immediately if you were rejecting us, and now that I found you crying- uh, well,” Richie shrugs, “You looked so shocked and kinda scared, I think. My fantastic deducing abilities are telling me that you just realized.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan’s eyes widen, still fixed on Richie. He realizes that his friend isn’t angry, and probably neither is the rest of the group. That makes Stan relax a little bit, but the question is still floating in the air. Stan wants nothing more than to avoid it, and yet he wants to answer truthfully. To finally talk about this, say it out loud, be fully himself in front of the person he trusts the most. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t,” he breathes out. “Just realize, that is. I have known for a while.” Now it’s turn for Richie’s eyes to widen, “The thing is that I’ve always felt wrong. I always thought you guys would think I was, too. I never expected Bill and Mike to be queer, and you were the biggest surprise,” Stan chuckles, “I was just overwhelmed and shocked like you said. That’s why I had to get away, and then I just started worrying about… about how that should’ve looked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait wait wait, you’ve always known?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan nods, “Yes. I remember knowing even a bit before we all met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, I only realized after the second girlfriend I had. I thought I didn’t really like the first one, you remember her, the one that always carried a blue bag? Well, whatever. The thing is that I got another girlfriend with the hope of actually enjoying being with her, but I never did. Then, I just wondered what a relationship would be like with- with a guy. It developed into me thinking about it every day and I just went from there,” Richie takes a new position as he talks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell us?” Stan wonders, since Richie didn’t mention anything about feeling wrong, or disgusted with himself, in his speech. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I was scared, too. I was scared of your reactions. Saying nothing was a million times easier than actually coming out. I’m comfortable with who I am, but I didn’t know if you guys would be, too. I’m really glad you guys are, though.” Richie confesses looking nervous. So Stand decides to send him a kind smile, hoping his face isn’t too red from crying, and turns to the sky without saying anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan feels better. So much better. He feels the fear leaving him slowly as he thinks about how he’s safe within his group of friends. He shouldn’t feel wrong anymore, he knows that now. He can be comfortable, he can feel at ease, he can stop hiding. He isn’t there yet, but he can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might be able to love without being stopped. That thought makes him freeze and feel dizzy again. The sky begins to spin, but his thoughts aren’t racing as fast as before, and the world around him isn’t muted. He doesn’t know what Richie is doing, he can’t see him, and maybe it’s better that way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The others have confessed some stuff to him today, stuff that’s serious and extremely important. Stan ran out on them, Stan worried them. Richie even came looking for him, like a real friend would. In a sudden surge of bravery, Stan thinks that he should give something back. He should confess something of his own, something they haven’t already said, even if it’s only to Richie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Especially if it’s only to Richie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s only silence. Stan just keeps staring at the sky, focusing on a moving cloud. He doesn’t feel as scared or tense as he thought he would, but he still doesn’t want to look at Richie. He can only wait, only pray that Richie will say something, that he won’t leave him alone. Stan has to trust his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because even if the whole “I’m gay” thing didn’t affect their friendship at all, one party confessing to loving the other really might. They might not be friends anymore. <em>But i</em></span>
  <em>
    <span>t might make you something more</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Stan’s small bundle of hope tells him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Yet, he can only look at the sky.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ooof, I know I said this was going to be only two chapters long but I had to change what I had already written, I'm sorry. Sooo I'm leaving you with this, and the final chapter will be posted soon. </p><p>Hope you liked it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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